How Can You Not Be Team Edward OR Team Jacob?

In my day-to-day dealings with the real world, I rarely come in contact with Twilight fans. But when I do, I have a hard time hiding my excitement. I've already told you guys about my relatively new coworker who has a thing for Robert Pattinson. Those waters have been tested and the jury is still out on what level of RPattz-loving freakiness I can unleash on this poor girl. We did have a good laugh about Jacob's tiny nipples today times.

I like mine cooler... and with manlier nipples.
The other day a former coworker (who is covering a maternity leave) came into my office and commented that she liked my FSE. The following very confusing conversation followed:

Coworker: "I like your cardboard standee."

Me: (with a big grin on my face) "Thanks! Do you know Edward?"

CW: "Yes, I'm halfway through the fourth book right now."

Me: "Don't you think Edward is sooooo dreamy?"

CW: "No, not really."

Me: (after quelling the urge to stab her with my pencil) "Oh so I guess you more of the Team Jacob type?"

CW: "No."

Me: (blank stare) "So you're not Team Edward OR Jacob? How the fuck are you even getting through the books?"

CW: "I make up my own fantasies."

Wha? Wha? WHAAAAT? I'm so confused. I mean I know there are some of you out there who prefer Jasper or Emmett or Carlisle, but she didn't indicate one other character in the book that made her all swoony inside. I felt like I was being punked. I half expected Ashton Kutcher to burst into my office at any moment.

This is me. Except showered. And without the funny hat. 
All I know is that I sat there at my desk sort of shell-shocked. I honestly can't think of anyone I know that isn't a solid member of at least ONE of the two major teams. Or maybe I've just blocked out any knowledge of non-team members. I just can't handle it.

You know this is how I roll...
So what? Am I just blind to those who aren't into Edward OR Jacob? Are there actually some of you out there that don't care for either? I need to know...crush my rose-colored Twilight glasses under your heel and spill your sordid secrets in comments. I wanna know what team you ARE on!

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