I Think I Just Un-Imprinted.

Tue, 18/11/2014 - 03:58 | by twitarded

Back in late 2008, I came across a copy of Entertainment Weekly with some guy on the cover. I didn't know who he was or what landed him there, but I knew he was damn easy on the eyes even with that popped collar and the big poofy hair. There was just something pleasantly unnerving about that gaze...

 First Sight. Well HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO there. You make me feel funny.
Since then...well...you all know how I happily went down the rabbit hole, gleefully clapping my hands and  taking as many people along with me as possible. These days - honestly? I don't give it all much thought. Don't get me wrong: it was a super-special, remarkably amazing time in my life and I am always thankful for everything that came out if it. THAT I think of often. I regret [almost] nothing. And I'm going to come right out and say (as if you all didn't already know...) that there's been a lot - a LOT - of blatant, shameless objectification over the years. We've written countless words about this man's hands, his fingers, his eyes, his mouth, his abs (or lack thereof - we didn't even care that they were mostly only there through the grace of a makeup artist), and his general hotness. But perhaps more than anything, we fixated on his hair. That HAIR!

OK, maybe not more than his smexy-times stare, but that mane of hair was a BIG part of the package.

We liked it in Twilight...

...and when he was promoting Twilight...

Rome Rob was nearly the death of me!

Yeah, I know he was under some contractual obligation or something to not cut it all off at this point andI DON'T CARE! Viva la lawyers and whoever else made this possible!

And when he finally did THIS -

...somehow we survived. Because let's face it: while I would have happily glued every strand back on - individually! - if given the chance, he was still blazingly hot and there's plenty of room in fanfic for stubble.

Long, short, in between - it. didn't. matter. 

 Kinda short? Woo hoo!
  Long enough to make me want to tug it? Yes please!

 Running his hands through it constantly? ;jbvuhsgs;esr;jbhfd...
We even kept a stiff upper lip and dealt with hats and beanies and various hoods and headgear. 
 ...although I did pout when he showed up at the Times Talk we attended covering up that mane.
In short (well, not so short, but admit it - you liked looking at all those photos),  the man has always had good hair.

So the other day when Latchkey Wife sent me a link that had the words  "so wtf is up with robert pattinsons hair" in it, I was...concerned. I clicked tentatively, hoping for the best. I mean, how bad could it be??? IT WAS WORSE.

Well this is odd but ooookaaaay...
Wait--what the...?!
what. the. actual. fuck. Did he lose a bet??? WHY is he lady-scaping the back of his head?! Is his hairstylist secretly VERY HARDCORE Team Jacob and still incredibly bitter? Did his girlfriend issue some sort of "I will if you will" ultimatum and this was his clever way of complying? Does he not know that whoever gave him this bowl cut (and I assume they have since went into hiding) left a patch? As if the "bowl & buzz" wasn't enough?. Whatever - I DON'T LIKE IT. I would prefer that fucked up thing he had on his head at ComicCon that one year, even if it had nothing to  do with a movie role.

Even this is better. THIS.
I think something in me died a little when I saw these pics, or maybe was finally brought back down to Earth. I don't know why it irked me so much; I acknowledge that it's strange that I would give a crap or have an opinion in the first place. OK, actually, I kinda DO know why it made me rant: I am not bothered that he cut his hair; I am bothered that he is someone who would cut his hair like THAT. I'm bothered because I don't think I would like someone who thought this haircut was a good idea. There. I said it. So congratulations, Robert Pattinson, on FINALLY coming up with a way to get at least one of the middle-aged weirdos who was inexplicably spellbound by you to throw up her hands in bewilderment.

*clap.* *clap.* *clap.* 

 *ahem* I will, of course, allow myself some fond reminiscing...
So what do YOU think??? Lay it on me in the comments, people.

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