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Texas Katherine Goes to the Dentist
I was going through the 52,000 iPods in the house the other day and wondering why I haven't taken the time to update the music on ANY of them in at least two years. Judging from the music on them, I blindly synced them in an impatient attempt to just have something to listen to. It's pretty awesome that I have an iPhone, iPods of various sizes, and an iPad, but none of them have any music I like. I was flipping through the downloads on my phone and came across an audio book. I was a little perplexed because I don't ever buy audio books as I am a visual learner with the attention span of a drunken gnat. The book was Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea. I could not remember buying this.
Even if I didn't think Chelsea Handler was funny, I would buy this book for the title alone.
After nearly breaking my brain, I remembered purchasing it before having my wisdom teeth removed two years ago. I thought I needed some distraction from a team of people drilling into my face. I started listening to the book wondering how long I was coherent before the nitrous oxide had me stoned out of my mind. Eight minutes. I heard eight minutes of the book before I was counting pink elephants.
It's still amazing to me that the dentist let me drive myself home. I remember the hygienist asking me if I felt all right to drive myself and I replied with a convincing "Uggghhh ioakkanmed togheemlt." I guess I looked like my normal spacey self while drooling saliva and blood down the front of my shirt and trying to pay the dental bill with my grocery store reward card. I was supposed to text Mr. TK after the surgery so he could pick me up, but I didn't remember that part after I was baked. I don't remember the drive home either, which is proof enough to me that a higher power exists whose sole purpose is to protect absolute morons like myself.
Mr. TK found me at home about an hour later, covered in yogurt and jello from attempting to feed myself. I'm not sure how he didn't take me right there over the sofa arm. The fact that he was able to resist that level of sexiness proves he has restraint like Edward.
Nevertheless, I started listening to the book again the other day and was laughing my ass off. I know she has several books out now and I might have changed my mind on this whole audio book thing. Her stories definitely hold my attention and I'll be a little morose when the book ends. It is possible she has plagiarized parts of my life and I have my legal counsel (aka my cat) looking into that.
He's like Matlock. But with a litter box. And fewer hairballs.
It's your turn to share your thoughts on audio books. Or the dentist. Or laughing gas. Or cats. Jeebus, this post was all over the place.
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